A toddler’s diary

I have been wondering how my daughter must see life in our house. I think that if she could talk, it would go something like this:diary

In the morning, waking up

“Hello, hello, it’s a beautiful day outside ! Where is mommy? where is daddy? Cat? Come and open this prison cell! I need to get out! Why can’t I get out? I want to play! And I want to pee! I need to peeee! I need to PEEEE ! ….Well, that’s done. Hmmm, warm. Come on!!!! where is everyone? What? sleeping? Why? Who would want to sleep when it’s already 6 a.m.? I want out! AND I have this amazing idea… I will draw circles today… Yep, CIRCLES not just stupid lines, that’s for babies…Circles, circles, circles… Hurry, give me the pencil before the inspiration goes away ! Hey, why is no one here ! and I am getting hungry too (cry)”

When she needs to be changed

“Wow, there is this really weird smell here! I know they work and all that, but my parents should really clean the house a bit more, such a pigsty… Or maybe it’s the cat… Yeah, it must be the cat… Ergh! I need to get away from this smell… oh no! It’s following me!!!… Mom, dad, help, get this stinky thing off me ! (cry)”

Being changed

“Well, this is nice… although the smell is getting stronger here… hmmm, the fresh air on my butt makes me all relaxed…Oops, sorry mom, I didn’t mean to pee all over the table (and your shoes)… what is that ? a “potty”? such a funny concept, why would I want a plastic tub stuck to my butt while I am having such a good time…? Oh no, I won’t sit down on it! No, no, no !!! See, I win again, yessss… Let’s explore a bit…I will take out some of the wipes from the box, and some more, yeah this is fun! all the wipes…! Oh, why can’t I have all the wipes? this is not fair! (cry). I am bored with this lying on my back. I want to sit down or stand up, or at least roll over… See, I can flip over… And again… And again…Mom, don’t fuss, this is a dexterity test for you… (yes, I know it’s 6 in the morning, so what ?!) oops, failed again mom, you need to work on it a bit. ts ts ts…”

Being dressed

Hmm, ok, a body sounds reasonable, hold on, left hand, right hand… don’t go too fast, I need to count my hands, one – two, and I want to keep the toys in my hands (what do you mean they will not pass through the sleeves – make them !).. Nice, now my belly and back are warm again… feels good. What? you want to close the buttons where?! Hey hey hey, madam, that is out of the question!… Well ok, try it while I am sitting down then, but don’t disturb my drawing please… Got you, that was a joke, you will actually have to catch me first ! oh, this is fun ! Catch me, catch me! Hey mom, why did you sit down to drink tea, with that tired look in your face, I need to get dressed !…it’s cold in here.

Hey, see, I brought you my shoes… We are going out. I don’t care that I don’t have pants on and you are still in your pyjamas. It’s time to go ! See, see. sun and wa wa’s (dogs) are outside… Why would I need socks, I want shoes! No, I don’t want socks… No socks! NO SOCKS! ok, you are stronger and are using this advantage, but I hope you are ashamed of yourself. You won’t win anyway. You put them on, I take them off… You put them on, I take them off…You put them on, I take them off… nice game, thanks for teaching me… What do you mean that’s enough? Now you put on my sock on your foot… You put them on my feet? Off they go. I have time. 🙂

This is what? Pants? Nope, never seen this in my life… It goes on my legs? Are you sure? I don’t really like the idea… Put them on your head instead… (when I do) Ooooh! that is fun! Can I put them on too, pleeeeease !? No, not on the legs, on my head of course… No !!! ok, you won this round (again)…

Now get me a sweater…and I will just empty the whole box of hats and scarves… because I want the one that’s on the bottom – to put on the doll…”

At the table

Running to her chair “I am hungry, hungry hungry! STARVING! give me food ! NOW! (is lifted and put in the chair – stands up). I will eat standing up. Like in a tapas bar. That’s what you do all the time, I have seen you. No, no sitting down, feed me now, standing up. Oooh, that’s what I want (shows dad’s wine glass)… Gimmee gimmme… Noooo, no siting down. I don’t want… (being strapped in), now I can’t move. That is not fair. I want that (points), no vegetables – that (points to ham)… Oh, cheese cheese cheese ! give me more. More. More… No, no trying to sneak vegetables into my mouth. Blah… (spits out the veggies). Now give me your glass of water…. Bloblobloblbo… I can make bubbles, see? Give me the glass… I need to wash my hand. Soup? You think I am crazy? who would eat something like that? Disgusting.  Poison. Bleee.. I want carrot. Carrot… Or sushi… Hey, are you trying to eat salami behind my back? give here. this is mine. More. Gimme. NOW! What do you mean that’s enough?

Now clean up please… this place is really dirty, I don’t know how you manage to eat like this… There is even stuff on the floor… And in my hair… Help !

Fruit? No. … No… No… Ooh gimme gimme gimme… why are you taking the fruit away ! I wanted that fruit (cry).

At bathtime

Let’s go take a shower (crawls into the shower – still dressed, points up). Water, now!… What? Undressing before? Are you crazy? It’s cold! It’s the evening! Well, ok, I’ll take off the shoes and socks… the pants? all right. Hey, it’s dark.. Ah, that was the shirt.. now take this nappy thing away… Hey, I am naked, this is fun (slapping her belly and running in circles). Shower ? what shower? I just want to run around the place… have you seen the ducks there on the wall? Quack quack ! Quack quack ! Quack quack ! Mom, why are you standing there in the bathroom door, looking exhausted ? You should get naked too. this is real fun!

(picked up and put in the shower) Oh ! water… no, no, no… don’t wanna be wet! no water on belly… no water on face! Hey, this is fun. Oops, water is quite warm on my legs… Oh, that’s not water… Sorry! Hey, there’s soap. Gimme gimme gimme. Soap. More. More. More… And again. What do you mean that’s enough? More. No, I don’t want to come out of the shower. More water… more water. No towel, no towel, Noooo!

At bedtime

I love being naked. See, I can put my head on the floor and show you my butt. Naked is great. Nappy? what for? no. no. no NOOOO. Ok, but no pyjamas… I don’t want pyjamas. Oooh, there are ducks on the pyjamas… Quack quack ! Quack quack ! Quack quack ! Ok, you can put those on me…Quack quack ! Quack quack !

I see the toothbrush! Toothpaste please. More. Open your mouth, I will brush your teeth too (your breath is horrible). No, no brushing, I just want to suck the toothpaste off the brush. Now it’s your turn. Your turn… No, don’t take away my toothbrush! (cry) Coughing syrup? yummy! yes ! More! More! MORE! What do you mean that’s enough?

Bottle! Bottle ! Milk! hmmmmm hmmmmM Mhhhmmm Mhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Done! More! Mommy, boobie, more! What do you mean that’s enough? More. What do you mean it’s time to sleep? Why are you switching off the light? No more milk? Ok, then sing to me…. nice song (applauds), Again… Again… Again… Again… What do you mean that’s enough?

OK, I will just lie down a bit on daddy’s shoulder and close my eyes for a bit… Gotcha, you moved! Sing again! Again… Again…again…a.g.a.i.n…aaaa I am getting a bit tired now. No, I don’t want to get in my bed! No, no, nooo….Ok, sing again… a.g.a.i.n… aaaa…zzzzz

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